Please Stop Crying!

Well, the first day of school finally arrived this week- we were ready up until we lined up in the parking lot to go to the classroom and then the tears started. I thought to myself "Oh my poor Sam please do not cry, please do not do this right now two minutes before you walk into class. You can't start the year like this." Too late, he started, really he had me and his brother holding him, trying to get him to stop. Another parent offered to stand with him so I could take Jacob to class, so kind, but I was not leaving him. His little friend since Pre-K  even told him he could stand with him. Such a nice gesture, but um we will not be moving from the spot we are in... We are standing here FOREVER.  Well it seemed like forever- the line started to move and well we had to move.  Thankfully I saw a teacher she took his hand, I told her his name, and well I walked away still holding in my tears. Very hard as a mother, well at least this one.  It makes me sad when my kids are sad, but I try not to show them my weak spot.

That is when it started, I looked at Jacob he was crying. The good news here is we have an hour to kill before he had to go to his meet and greet. I asked him what was wrong, "I do not want to leave Sam with that lady, he is crying and needs us" he said. Well that is all it took I started we hugged and then I told him "Sam will be okay, I promise you he will be okay." I planned all along to have a morning with Jacob so we ran to doughnut shop and all our worries were gone in a glass of milk, a cup of coffee, and a Hot Glazed Doughnut!

Jacob and I then went to the one hour class/meet and greet. This was fine until we had to go.  Jacob loves School, he was mad it was time for him to leave. Seriously this is the child I was worried about, new school, new teacher, new friends. This would be the child who cried. No worries for Jacob! We did find out on our way out of the school, a teacher saw Sam and gave us a report that he was having a great day and no more tears! 

So I asked Sam when he got home "Why?"- his comment "I did not want to leave you" just melts my heart.  Not until tonight, the second day of school, and yes he still had tears, did I understand.  The boys and I are close and we probably are more so because of Henry's absence. The boys were together everyday this summer with the exception of one day. We rely on each other and the thought of the other not being there for a few hours, he is probably feeling alone without one of us.  Like I mentioned I realized that tonight, the third night of watching television alone.  It just dawned on me when I was laughing at the idiot on TV.  I started to cry really cry because I know how he feels alone. It hurts to tell them they have a bed time but 6:15 comes too early for them and they need their sleep. I am recording these silly shows we like to watch so that on the weekend, we can hang together and stay up late to watch them. 

Tomorrow will begin day three of school, my hope is that as the year moves on he will overcome this fear and start to enjoy the first grade and of course, Please Stop Crying!

I love you boys so much!

Thrills and Chills.....

The anticipation of the first day of school is nearly upon us, and yet I am exhausted to think the School year is about to begin. Back to routine, normalcy, and sleep before 8:30 PM.  The boys have had a great summer, trips to Nags Head, Boston, and Williamsburg filled with activities and memories that will last a lifetime.  They met cousins that they had never met before, made new friends, saw every new movie two or three times. My friend Michelle had them this summer, a break from the daily mix of 100's of other kids at summer camp.  She picked them up daily from the house and on most days delivered them back to my front door.  THIS I WILL MISS. The thought of having to actually get them out of the house, fed, clothed, before 7 am scares the HELL out of me.  I allowed them to cruise at their own speed the Summer, they were allowed to stay up as long as we read one book, cleaned toys, and were kind to one another.  So you know Sam was up most nights :) Jacob, by mid July figured out what he needed to do to to hang with mom on a nightly basis.  With Michelle picking them up, they were allowed to sleep in usually until 9- me on the other hand, I was out the door at 7:15 so I could get off of work earlier.  Oh how I will miss those Summer hours. 

We started this week "practice" bed time, I have had them in bed by 9:30- Sam usually out first, Jacob after the 100th or so back rub is out.  I love just lying with them in their bed. We pray, we laugh, sometimes we get sad because we miss Daddy, and then we cry.  What is nice about the early bed time is that I get to see them in the morning, as they hear me getting ready, I like this, makes it harder to get out the door with the motherly guilt. Tonight I think we are at 8:45 bed time- this is good for all of us as I actually will sleep when they sleep so my energy level is usually higher!

All doctors visits have been completed, school supplies purchased ,uniforms and shoes ready for the first day.  After care has been finalized- so lucky to have Genesis back to help with the boys. Today we meet the teachers and visit our classrooms, and tomorrow we get the "what to expect" speech from the teachers and Sister Mary.   Sam is ready, we have been reading and working on reading as much as we can.  As demanding as I am (I admit this) I sometimes just have to understand he is just 6 and he will get it soon.  Jacob starts this year at Sam's school.  He is nervous, but he likes that he gets to dress like Sam and that he will have Mrs. Crish, Sam's Pre-K teacher. I have professed to her already that he is not SAM, they are different little boys and  I really am thankful for this as if they were the same, life would be boring! I am thrilled that the minivan will only be making one stop for drop off and pick up. THRILLED!

The Chills I have are thoughts of what a mother goes through when her child(ren) are unable to experience the "First Day Thrills".  Recently through Facebook, I became friends with this astonishing woman- Wendy Mayo.  I really only knew of her through a high school friend whose son attended the same school as her oldest son Zack.  Zack is battling cancer, and if you have the chance please follow his story either on Facebook or Caringbridge, you will be amazed and encouraged the strength Zack and his family have.  I do believe that it was not fate but GOD who allowed our paths to cross so the their story can be told.  I have always believed and my faith has been tested more than once, never will I doubt the power that Christ has within us.  The CHILLS I have every time I see an update from Wendy are a reminder of Christ.  Nightly as the boys and I pray we PRAY FOR ZACK MAYO- his story will bring you to your knees, and when you are there, hold your children and PRAY for CHRIST's existence.

I did not plan on my "first" post to drag on but I did want to let you know I will try to post weekly.  It is hard with Henry gone and my evening hours rushed, but I will try.  I hope all the kids enjoy their first day and I will post ours next week.