Well, the first day of school finally arrived this week- we were ready up until we lined up in the parking lot to go to the classroom and then the tears started. I thought to myself "Oh my poor Sam please do not cry, please do not do this right now two minutes before you walk into class. You can't start the year like this." Too late, he started, really he had me and his brother holding him, trying to get him to stop. Another parent offered to stand with him so I could take Jacob to class, so kind, but I was not leaving him. His little friend since Pre-K even told him he could stand with him. Such a nice gesture, but um we will not be moving from the spot we are in... We are standing here FOREVER. Well it seemed like forever- the line started to move and well we had to move. Thankfully I saw a teacher she took his hand, I told her his name, and well I walked away still holding in my tears. Very hard as a mother, well at least this one. It makes me sad when my kids are sad, but I try not to show them my weak spot.
That is when it started, I looked at Jacob he was crying. The good news here is we have an hour to kill before he had to go to his meet and greet. I asked him what was wrong, "I do not want to leave Sam with that lady, he is crying and needs us" he said. Well that is all it took I started we hugged and then I told him "Sam will be okay, I promise you he will be okay." I planned all along to have a morning with Jacob so we ran to doughnut shop and all our worries were gone in a glass of milk, a cup of coffee, and a Hot Glazed Doughnut!
Jacob and I then went to the one hour class/meet and greet. This was fine until we had to go. Jacob loves School, he was mad it was time for him to leave. Seriously this is the child I was worried about, new school, new teacher, new friends. This would be the child who cried. No worries for Jacob! We did find out on our way out of the school, a teacher saw Sam and gave us a report that he was having a great day and no more tears!
So I asked Sam when he got home "Why?"- his comment "I did not want to leave you" just melts my heart. Not until tonight, the second day of school, and yes he still had tears, did I understand. The boys and I are close and we probably are more so because of Henry's absence. The boys were together everyday this summer with the exception of one day. We rely on each other and the thought of the other not being there for a few hours, he is probably feeling alone without one of us. Like I mentioned I realized that tonight, the third night of watching television alone. It just dawned on me when I was laughing at the idiot on TV. I started to cry really cry because I know how he feels alone. It hurts to tell them they have a bed time but 6:15 comes too early for them and they need their sleep. I am recording these silly shows we like to watch so that on the weekend, we can hang together and stay up late to watch them.
Tomorrow will begin day three of school, my hope is that as the year moves on he will overcome this fear and start to enjoy the first grade and of course, Please Stop Crying!
I love you boys so much!
